Together Again
by Busman's Holiday
Summary: Set after Brendan and Ste reunite on the Ha'Penny Bridge and their return to the hotel.


**Together Again**

His bashful little laughter comes from his nose in a brief snort. "What?" he says, tips of his ears pink from the December cold. He hasn't been looked at like this in a long while; he's forgotten what adoration feels like under the gaze.

Brendan hasn't said anything since the lift doors sealed them in and part of him can't bring himself to. They exist in this dreamlike fantasy of his, winter coats and breathless with laughter, a light-headed static buzz of adrenaline between them. They hadn't run to the hotel just to rush to bed – no – they'd run to keep a pace with their hearts, to catch up with the time wasted.

"Nothin'," Brendan says, a brief shake of his head. It's all he can say without breaking into the manic bubble of laughter threatening his throat. He shouldn't find the edge of the future so grin-inducing but he does.

When Brendan turns to face Ste, he follows suit and both sets of bags collapse onto the elevator floor with a satisfied clomp. Ste thinks they'll be kissing and tearing at each other's clothes, but it's not what Brendan does when he leans in close. He brings up his hands to Ste's face, cupping him with both and just holding him there, steady.

Ste barely flinches when Brendan's cold thumbs well into his warmer cheeks and run paths up and down over the skin. There's a seriousness now that wasn't there before. One that speaks of pain and anguish, one that swears promises and sincerity. With one hand, Brendan caresses Ste's face from cheekbone to chin, with the back of his fingers. He's softer than he should be, from the years of suffering, and his cheeks lay dewy from all his tears. Brendan watches as his salt-rimmed red eyes blink in recognition of their overwhelming hour and neither can quite escape their exchange of bloodshot vulnerability. Brendan should want to run but he doesn't.

"What?" Ste asks again, but this time he knows what.

"Just checkin' you're still here." Brendan can barely hear himself over the whirred trundle of the lift.

Ste places his hand on Brendan's chest. There's his heart – warm, thudding.

"Still here," Ste says and snakes his arm around Brendan's neck. "Where else would I be?"

Brendan's head bows a little and he feels like he doesn't deserve half of what Ste's giving him – a hundredth chance – but he owes him to take it. He nudges forward until their locked forehead to forehead and his sigh fills the air between them. He wants to tuck Ste's hair away from his face, that old comfort, but he's older now, more of a man and he can only brush his fingertips through the shaved back of his head against the grain. He would tell him he's beautiful if he was the sort of man who could.

Ste tips up onto his toes and switches the advantage, meeting Brendan's mouth all too briefly.

"I'm sorry, Steven. I fucked it all up," Brendan says, "Tonight, last week. Every day before it."

"Dun't matter no more," Ste says, seeing that Brendan couldn't quite grasp onto an agreement. He hadn't master forgiving himself.

The lift doors open and they separate in time. Brendan nods for Ste to go first and he does, shifting awkwardly between feet at the door of the hotel room. Brendan knows what he's thinking about. He puts his finger to Ste's chin and tilts him up to look straight into his weary eyes.

"I love you," he says it for the third time and it flows so naturally, like it hasn't taken thirty odd years in the conception. "Nothing comes close to how I feel about you. Nothing"

Ste knows, wedding ring in his pocket, that _he_ shouldn't be the insecure one but he is. His heart thumps when they cross the threshold and he doesn't think about what he walked in on earlier because Brendan's shrugged off his coat onto the bed and stands there, expectations burning on his lips. Ste's stepping forward and running palms over Brendan's chest for the first time in years and Brendan lets him. He's broader and more muscled and his clothes rest shivery over hot flesh underneath. He feels new and different, but the same stomach-warming familiarity that floods him with a lifetime of love and longing.

Brendan's hands slip between the unbuttoned gap in Ste's coat and push it to the floor and it's like a game of strategy, of slow rediscovery and unclothing until they're back together, no turn taking in uncoordinated kissing. It's a mess of fumbled stripping and clumsy mouths until Brendan has Ste picked up by his waist and rolled straight onto his back. He presses lips and tongue into the freshly naked dunes of skin, licking cold trails of saliva up Ste's body, hungry to be tasting him again.

Underneath him, Ste coils like a cat, spreading out the wingspan of his arms in pleasure and dragging Brendan's vest over his head when there's a moment of pause. He lets out a breathy surge of finality on seeing Brendan shirtless. He'd forgotten the urge of wanting Brendan to consume him – all that power and heat and strength burning in the body above. And when at last Brendan frees his dick, its full swollen length, Ste aches for it. He remembers its size and force like it was inside him only yesterday, he remembers Brendan making him tender for days because he'd always beg for more, for harder.

Ste reaches out to touch him and they break for kisses in between as Brendan's pre-cum leaks over Ste's fingers. He lies back, spine arched when Brendan glides the rest of his clothes off, licking his fingers clean and enjoying the growl in Brendan's throat.

When he's got Ste naked, he luxuriates in his form, smoothing his hands all over. His skin tingles with his pulse and Brendan clings to it, revelling in the reality of Steven being here and his to enjoy. Countless hours had been spent without him, imaging his skinny body, his flaws and perfections. But here and now, more toned and writhing in such a way, was enough to send the strongest of men insane. He desired to claim that body for his own again.

There's little talking, except Brendan's sure he mumbled about missing Ste so much, hot over his skin. And Ste's thighs spread open, rolling his tongue over Brendan's throat as he swears how much he wants him. Brendan's hands are hooking around his fleshy behind, rubbing over Ste's willing rim with two drawn fingers. He's reaching for lube and a condom with a warning – _easy boy_ – as impatient Ste masturbates. But he's stopping in loose mouthed silence when oiled up fingers – plural, because Brendan wants to feel that resistance – penetrate him.

Brendan's got that mocking smile on his face, the one where his tongue is slack and his mouth sits open as he watches on Ste's torment. The greatest pleasure of all is Ste at his mercy. The pitch of his _ohh_s escalate with every rough pummel of his fingers until Brendan can't commit to his starvation any longer. His fingers grip Ste's hips white and eases into him, making that longed-for moment last. Their eyes meet in recognition – _together again_.

For all their months of bitterness and abstinence from each other, the sex is a heady blur of a well-known rhythm. The future was a graspable certainty and the thought of savouring each other is left for later. Brendan fucks Ste until the mattress buckles and he takes it with unrelenting thirst, clawing at Brendan's back. He's left feeling like his body is molten and slipping from his control and in the end, all Brendan has to do is groan his name and run his thumb across his balls before Ste's coming with noisy fever.

There's a shift in the bed as Ste's body slackens and Brendan takes ultimate control, pounding him until he's done, both bodies reeling. Brendan rolls Ste on top, so they're chest to chest and glued with Ste's drying semen. He holds Ste's face again and kisses him softly on his salty mouth. When his hands fall, one rests stretched across the pillows and the other falls to stroke the mound of his arse.

"I need a minute," Ste says, laughing off a wince. "You're a lot to handle."

Brendan kisses his shoulder. "I don't want to hurt you." He pauses and draws Ste in his arms. "I won't hurt ya. In any way. I ain't losing ya."

"You've got me, Brendan," Ste says, relaxing into his shelter.

"Good," he says and releases Ste so they can lay beside each other. Brendan rests on his arm and takes a long look at Ste, comparing his memories to the reality. He sighs, palming over his cum-crusted belly and plays with the soft head of his cock in his hand.

"'Fort we was talking," Ste says, giggly as his cock betrays him and stiffens to the touch.

"We are," Brendan says, attention directed solely to Ste's dick. It had as little willpower as he did.

Ste's eyes flutter closed. "About the important stuff…"

Brendan mumbles and sucks at Steven's neck. He's hot in Brendan's hand, pulsing. "Let me show you how important you are…"

Ste's fighting a losing battle, one that he's not sure he wants to fight. So he strokes the back of Brendan's head and goes to remind him how he likes to be sucked off and Brendan looks at him indignantly.

"I don't need tips. I'm not Dou–"

"And I'm not some guy you picked up after five minutes."

Both stung and to their equal surprise it was Brendan who spoke first.

"It wasn't to hurt you. I had no idea. You're all I want. Everything else is just coping. And what I said in the lobby, what I did to you last week – you were right – it was fear. Fear of having you. Fear of God." Brendan realises his faith means little to Ste, seems insignificant when Ste's alive and well. "I can't trust myself, Steven. I can't believe I won't fuck up. I couldn't drag you into that, not again. You and Douglas, you were in a sure thing. Didn't matter how much I hated it. Him."

"We could never be. Not with you there. I was always looking for it to fail, cos you were still there. Like after the accident, it puts things in perspective – your mistakes, what you want." Ste's expression creases with guilt. "I should never've married him. You were the first person I wanted when I woke up from me coma. I thought you'd moved on."

Brendan huffs a little laugh. "I failed. You were sent to try me."

Ste smiles and snuggles up next to him, softer. "I don't want you to move on."

"Can't."

"Good. Cos I can't either." They smile and kiss tenderly, Brendan placing a hand on Ste's chest. And when they part, Brendan can see Ste mouthing _I love you_.


End file.
